The purpose of this document is to think through how we want to approach interpersonal relationship building at Levels given that we’re a remote-first team.
Because we don’t see each other in-person in the office every day, we need to be more intentional about how these relationships form than you would at a co-located company. There are tradeoffs to all of these decisions, and one of the downsides of being remote is that you don't have the same degree of organic relationship formation that you have at other companies.
As a starting point, it's worthwhile to acknowledge some personal biases that I (@Sam Corcos) have on this topic, and what my assumptions are coming into this discussion, as they inform my thinking on the subject.
I think it's also worth noting that anything that touches on interpersonal relationships — be it social, work-related, or anything else that involves interactions between people — can be extremely sensitive. I also recognize that I'm not particularly sensitive to these dynamics; I don’t take things personally, I assume good faith, and I’m direct. An interesting anecdote from earlier this year that illustrates this point below.
I went to a social event hosted by a friend. There were 10 people, of which, I knew half.
The conversation turned philosophical after someone mentioned they had started a new relationship and we started talking about the concept of "love", and what it means for different people.
We started talking about proxies for how you know if you love someone. I mentioned that a reasonable (though incomplete) starting point might be "willingness to go to their funeral".
One of the people present, who I didn't know prior to this event, thought it was a strange proxy and asked me something along the lines of, "If I died, would you go to my funeral?"
My answer was, "To be honest... no. I just met you an hour ago."
He turned visibly red, made some comments about how "fucked up" it is that I wouldn't go to his funeral, and the rest of the group got very uncomfortable, and it stayed that way until the event ended.
All this to say, I don't expect everyone will react this way but 1) some people will and 2) when one person reacts this way, it makes everyone else extremely uncomfortable. In other words, it's a sensitive topic — probably tied up with people’s sense of self-worth.
I recognize that what works for me doesn't work for everyone. I sincerely appreciate and respect the input of everyone on the team and I think collaborating with everyone on these concepts has led to better outcomes than would have been the case if I worked on these alone. For example, Andrew's input on the "Titles" memo led me to conclude that most of my initial assumptions were wrong, and Miz and Haney's input on team culture changed the way I think about culture building in general.
I'm also a pretty extreme introvert. I can go days without interacting with another human and not even notice. My ideal day is one where I'm coding or writing all day with no meetings, calls, or social obligations. That said, I recognize that it’s important to interact with other people, so I make a substantial effort to do so — I like to say I'm a "learned extrovert". I recognize that many people need more social time than I do to stay motivated.
I am inclined to challenge assumptions or expectations made by others until I'm confident that the underlying principles are sound. For example, there is an expectation that all companies need events where everyone at the company meets in person on a regular cadence (e.g. company holiday party, a remote offsite, a conference, or something similar). I'm not yet convinced of the principles underlying these decisions. Vague statements like, "intangibles" or "cohesion" are too ambiguous to convince me.
I also have a few assumptions coming into this conversation. If you disagree with any of these assumptions, or if you think they're incorrect, this is probably the best place to start! Some of these assumptions use terms that are defined in greater detail in the sections below.
There are many types of relationships that form at a company. I think some of the tension on this subject stem from overloading terms like "interpersonal relationships", which encapsulate many different types of relationships that can exist within a company.
There are many ways we could choose to define the many types of relationships that form within a company, and I think it's worth parsing a few possible definitions to make sure we're all talking about the same thing to avoid going in circles arguing semantics. For the purpose of this discussion, let's agree to use the following definitions:
It's worth noting that it's possible to have some combination of all of these. For example, Sam and David were friends before starting Levels (a Social relationship), and they also have a Working relationship now that they're working together. Engineers will have a Working relationship with Andrew, but they may also have a Leadership relationship with him.
Everyone at Levels is an adult and adults are responsible for their social lives. For every person who likes after-work drinks and team lunches, there are just as many people who resent being forced to attend company-sponsored play dates when they would rather spend that time with their family, working, or doing just about anything else.